Joshua King's Free Press

“Up NEPA!” screamed the children. It is an exclamation that competes with “thank God” in Nigeria. We grew up shouting it, our parents said it not as frequently as we, but it is a truly made in Nigeria product. It is becoming an unpopular term these days considering that we now have alternatives everywhere to the electricity provided by the Power Holding Company of Nigeria previously NEPA (National Electric Power Authority). Everywhere in Nigeria, there is a persistent sound; night and day it is heard. The fumes rising from each part of the country might make a visitor think Nigeria is one huge fire starting slowly. Global warming is not a source of worry to the people here as that smoke is a necessary evil. And so our people go on screaming Up NEPA! But what really is Up NEPA? Public electricity in Nigeria is unstable and comes on randomly for a few hours a day, a week and sometimes never at all in a year. Some parts of Africa’s most populous country have never seen a light bulb glow...

What a story we are about to read Of sudden change, lies and half truths, please read How on a New Year’s Day our people were greeted Not with smiles or good news but were insulted Here insults do not go unanswered Not in this clime or time, it had to be answered Men and women took to the streets in protest Peacefully the new regime to contest They pressed painfully and hard for 9 days long In unison, sang a protest song Brought thence by one need Refused to be intimidated or bullied Were never discouraged by the fallen No one said victory would be sudden Did those leaders betray, were they under duress? In the heat of the struggle, asked us to recess But the struggle had taken a new broadness It had gone beyond the anticipated game of chess The cronies appearing on No Truth Available Proved repeatedly that they weren't reliable In the face of this chaos were many silent governors A clueless president, too many confusing ministers and actors Many a tale have b...

Nigeria is in a state of confusion. We have nearly reached a cross roads. The ills of our country have reached unto the heavens. We have reached a point where Nigeria must decide whether or not to continue to be Nigeria, and on what basis. There are calls today, for a Sovereign National Conference (SNC) to discuss the way forward. Its protagonists have assumed that a SNC will cure everything wrong with Nigeria. Yours truly however, is of the opinion that the only permanent solution to the problems of mankind outside of God is a persistent search for one. A SNC like all other conferences is a conference that gathers people to discuss issues affecting the people concerned and make recommendations to the solving of those problems. But who will represent who at such a parley, who will convene it, on what basis will the speakers at such a conference emerge? How will the resolutions be achieved peaceably, when will its resolutions become binding? Who will agree to its convening and why? Th...

Arsenal striker Gervinho has blamed Fernando Torres for Drogba’s penalty miss at the AFCON 2012 Final between his Ivory Coast and Zambia. He said the Spaniard’s loss of confidence is a contagious disease that has infected Didier Drogba and made him miss the all important spot kick when it mattered most. He advised the Ivorian hit man to request for separate training days at Cob ham but warned also that the Torres bug may have infected Andreas Villas Boas whose Chelsea team can’t find a rhythm these days. Onto Chelsea matters, Abrahimovic had a meeting with his well paid underperformers to determine whether or not the crisis in Greece has affected any player’s income and thus a deep in performance on the pitch. The manager had two excuses, the AFCON 2012 which is poorly timed and should be altogether scrapped has 4 of his most important players are out including Drogba and Kalou with Ivory Coast, Essien in spirit with Ghana and Mikel who can’t do well because Nigerians are not happy f...

John Terry has announced to the shock and utter amazement of Chelsea fans worldwide that he will end his contract come summer of this year. He will sign for Nigerian side Enyimba FC of Aba in a bid to prove to the Ferdinands and by extension England fans that he is not racist. Before and after each match J.T. will hug all the Enyimba players and kiss them on the face as he really loves the African. Sepp Blatter has welcomed the move describing the inability of Anton Ferdinand and J.T. to shake hands after the incident as unfortunate. Enyimba fans and followers of the Nigerian Premier League though are optimistic about the chances of seeing former England and Chelsea captain in Enyimba’s blue jersey. There is a serious jostle as a result of this development by Nigerian companies to become Enyimba’s sponsors. The Nigerian Premier League on the other hand has had their offices inundated with calls from companies in Indonesia and China all seeking to sponsor the league. England boss,...

Political ideologies is simply put, a belief based approach to issues on the economy, social order and governance generally. The conviction of a group leads to that group using such belief based approach to address societal problems. When a group of people with similar political conviction come together, a political party is born. Political ideologies have risen and many have fallen. Some are still on the rise while others have neared a hiatus status. There is always need for political ideology as it offers direction and purpose. Where ideologies are absent, ascendancy of personalities takes precedence like we have in Nigeria presently with the ruling party. Cross carpeting is a prevalent issue in Nigeria today because our political elite have never looked up the word ideology before nor have they heard of it. There is one purpose that binds them all; ‘power’. When this power is achieved, they use it for every purpose possible especially the deepening of pockets and widening of their...

“If it isn’t broke, don't fix it' is the slogan of the complacent, the arrogant or the scared. It's an excuse for inaction, a call to non-arms. Collin Powel, former U.S. Secretary of Defense. But why should anyone try to fix what isn’t broke? Anyone who does has noticed some bit of inefficiency with the current machine and wants an improvement or like one writer said, the person must be trying to louse things up. Whichever case, this system needs an urgent fixing and that fixing time is now. Just what is broke here that needs fixing? One needs not be a stargazer to see that the four year tenure has brought nothing but a system of perpetuating incompetent persons and parties in power and returning their cronies soon afterward, leaving the people worse off than they could ever hope for. Imagine a scenario where a governor gets elected and begins to receive felicitations for a period of no less than two months and then proceeds to read newspaper congratulatory messages for...

On the 16th of April last year, millions of Nigerians made a mistake. They voted Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan president of Africa’s most populous country Nigeria. It has become a mistake as each day his leadership has shown remarkable cluelessness and a lack of grasp of the issues. His handling of the controversial fuel price hike which began as a surprise on January 1, 2012 is a good example. Mistakes should not be without reasonable remedy however. One of the first lessons yours truly learnt in word processing is undoing. It simply means reverting to a previous state if the outcome of an action is undesired. Prudence requires one to make haste slowly but even very prudent people make mistakes by commission or omission hence the need for correction. We have spell checks for a reason. There is an outbreak of illness in a Banana community and the illness is Typhoid fever. A fever cause by bacteria: Salmonella Typhi inhabiting the intestines. The doctor in charge in Community Hospital...

Before this piece was written, I had previously subscribed in error to government's position on deregulation. I was of the view that to avoid subsidy (a government responsibility), refineries should be built (a task the govt refused). I was misled to believe that there was subsidy and that it arose because we do not refine enough to meet local demand. I have since found otherwise from authoritative experts who know and have have challenged our president to debates. “The government claims we are currently operating our refineries at 38.2% efficiency. When we refine a barrel of crude oil, we get more than just petrol. If we refine 1 barrel (42 gallons) of crude oil, we will get 45 gallons of petroleum products. The 45 gallons of petroleum products consist of 4 gallons of LPG, 19.5 gallons of Gasoline, 10 gallons of Diesel, 4 gallons of Jet Fuel/Kerosene, 2.5 gallons of Fuel Oil and 5 gallons of Bottoms. Thus, at 38.2% of refining capacity, we have about 170000 bbls of throughput r...

"Over the years, we have listened to very beautiful and impressive budget speeches eloquently delivered in this chamber. Unfortunately, the implementation has not matched the words as economic policies often lack continuity and projects are needlessly discarded or abandoned". So began the Senate President, David Mark before the President Goodluck Jonathan presented his budget 2012 proposal to a joint session of the National Assembly. One need not be an Alan Greenspan to see that there is no hope for the people in the budget proposal.The Goodluck led Federal Government will spend 72% of the budget paying salaries to the national assembly, ministers, federal workers, the army, police and all other federal government institutions. The left over would be spent on building roads, bridges and other things. Also important to note is that this budget proposal seeks to put an end to subsidy on petroleum products with President Jonathan arguing at every opportunity that the subsidy...

We must think in terms of solutions, positive solutions. Our league is boring let's make it interesting the stadiums are empty let's hype it and make it lively the referees always make wrong calls let's give them headsets for instant calls the players play kick and follow let's give them pitches green and not yellow the coaches talk like beginners let's train them to become regulars our pockets are picked and ladies harassed let's get adequate security amassed white balls gets out, blue balls get in let's get the same white balls and begin Our game cannot continue to go like this we have to play better than this an any how approach by that coach will most definitely bring reproach this is football and it is our game we play it for fun and even for fame Brazil, Italy, Germany, Argetina all get it right Nigeria let's do it with all our might it requires energy, skill and hardwork yes more of those n a lil luck will make it work ...

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford At the time of going to write this piece, the Nigeria Football Federation Board had gone to a meeting to review the year 2011. Most of us have already done so and come to a conclusion: it was a season of failures. A lack of talent in the local league caused by persistent exodus of players who go to Europe where they are not well received these days owing to the age cheat factor go on to unknown places like China, Sudan and Pakistan. A lack of succession plan for players in the national teams, loss of form by our players, mismanagement of players by the coaches, tactical inconsistency amongst others have been some of the reason for this season of failures. Chief amongst reasons however, is the persistent disorganization within the NFF. For the greater part of last year and early this year, there were tussles of varying sorts and degrees about the legitimacy of the current board. It dragged on in variou...

Most of us can read the writing on the wall; we just assume it's addressed to someone else. Heart of the Matter an introduction Fuel subsidy removal has been one of the most prevalent issues on the front burner in Nigeria and might not cease to be until the federal government positively decides to do so. It is no news that the FG subsidizes petroleum product for the Nigerian populace. The FG however, is weary of this responsibility and wishes to pass it on to the Nigerian publics who have vehemently refused it in the past. It should not take a prophet to tell the president, that another attempt would be met by either an equal resistance or perhaps worse i.e. a Nigerian version of the Arab spring. The situation Nationally owned refineries are in a state of limited functionality (figures continue to vary by the hour). This limited functionality of local refineries has brought about importation of refined petroleum products into a country rich (the sixth largest producer) in cru...

SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the...

In a season where there is no harvest whatsoever, something has gone terribly wrong. But wait a minute, how can all the national teams fail to do well at the same time? And how can all the clubs at continental level also fail to make an impact? Something is obviously wrong and it is not a problem that should be left solely at the doorsteps of the coaches. Last night, like millions of other football loving Nigerians, yours truly went to a viewing centre to see our Olympic Eagles fail to fly against the Junior Terranga Lions of Senegal. It was a show of shame and though I had not seen their first encounter against hosts, Morocco, I was told that it was a better performance from the first match. There was just no sense of organisation exhibited in the Olympic Eagles game play. Lack of organisation has been the bane of our football woes as a country. It has to be said, that Nigerian football rose to a level of world acknowledgement in the mid-nineties and was sustained till early in the mi...

Facebook, facebook, facebook So much ado about this book My status is updated please look Your time and my time it took You find its addicts in every nook Most of them forget their food to cook with posts that shout I'm such a mook The site that puts us on the hook We all love the it the facebook We need to stay in touch and find our buddies from long ago We bent so low even into a crouch and sometimes we had to let go there are many ways like such and such to find friends and say hello but none equals facebook that much you can express yourself high or mellow Enter facebook the new way to keep in touch We barely have time to face book cause we spend so much time on facebook you have forgotten how to move our rook and we show off to everyone our new look hi, are you on facebook that's the way to get the new hook it's never as quiet as a brook but ever ready to let in more gook oh facebook, facebook, facebook!

Most men will right now approve and in a few moments disapprove In one hour celebrate and the next they meditate Do not search for answers in the woods cause it's all in our moods They are tutored and cultured but at one time they killed and captured It's all in the mood To do evil or do good There's a mood to do it right and another that says not tonight In one mood full of excitement, I love you in another full of resentment, to hell with you Days ago she said...Josh you're the best These days she says he's just like the rest Then it was Inamarato, my heart and my king now, curses, death wishes and abuses all unfitting for a king In case you were wondering I want you to get off the mood so bothering This is just how men have fared In their moods they have bragged and erred Do not search for answers in the woods Cause mans acts is all in his moods

The day draws longer and the nights are never long enough to rest Our calmness wears out while our people live worse than birds in a nest Nothing works, even our national teams now play without zest The day draws nigh and I hope it will begin now the much awaited tempest. This is Nigeria but not the Nigeria we dream of and hope for A few loot with impunity, their cronies feed leaving the rest of us done for So much talk and more talk, so much and too many promises we wait for We have seen it yet we have done nothing cause we believe it has happened before But for how long shall we continue to endure, suffering and smiling How long shall our children be made orphans while theirs in Europe and America are touring How long shall we celebrate fear, Nigeria's call to obey we are ever refusing No one ever imagined or dreamt a castle up without first rising to do the building We must throw our indifference away for with great challenge comes greater might We must ignore our fears, despise...

Lord Give us Heros Give us these days, many heroes for around us are many foes whose gain it is to trunce us and increase our woes their pain hurts more than withlows on all toes Lord give us heroes We have men, so many men But they are not up to ten Who for a cause would be cast into the lion's den Our men & women would rather loot with the pen Than stand in the line to aid their kinsmen Our country need not men but heroes Men who can pick up tools including hoes Who for greater gain can ignore thier loses or woes And so help this country overcome her foes And even vanquish our foes Men abound but heroes are few Heroes are men who stand anew When men give in and withdrew Heroes will put more strain on their arms and sinew We need such men, nay heroes in view. Let there arise in Nigeria an hero here and another there. Would you be our next hero?

The slothful said in his heart there is a lion on the street I shall be slain without and so he stayed within The spirited said in his heart there is a lion on the street But I am a killer of lions and terror to beasts and so he ventured out The slothful did not sweat nor was he anxious but soon his bread ran out and he did sweat and was anxious The spirited saw the lion and the lion attacked him but he prevailed and overcame the beast and he went about his labour The slothful did hunger and had not He still would not go without for he thought there is a lion in the street, I shall be slain without The spirited returned filled and dignified He said: there was a lion in the street I the killer of lions and terror to beasts did kill the lion and brought its meat to feast